Therapy

You know what? I'm very very angry.
I went to a counselling session and discovered this.
I am angry at my useless body.
I am angry at the medical system that 'decides' that unless you've had at least two miscarriages,-it aint worth testing as to why. Cos, yeah. Why not put a woman through MORE grief. One miscarriage is obviously just par for the course. We should have at least two before we start getting upset.
I'm angry at Katoomba hospital emergency. I went up there bleeding and in distress and they admitted me straight away, but then left me sitting for THREE HOURS. No doc, no nurse, no nothing. Oh, I lie, -the triage kept on popping in to let us know that we were 'next'......for three hours.
I am angry at the woman I met inadvertently the other day who was drinking a schooner, smoking a cigarette and complained that she was 'pissed off' that she was pregnant again.
I am angry at friends and relatives that insist on comforting me with jesus platitudes, even though I have made it clear that this is not my belief. 'Your baby is safe and whole in the arms of jesus'....like I needed reminding that it would be disintegrated, rent apart, vaccumed out.
I am angry at Mr. The house remained a sty while I was on 'bed rest'. It got cleaned when I was sans pregnancy.
I am angry at my mum for telling all and sundry about my news. This has meant an enormous amount of explaining to people and dealing with 'you're showing!' (no,-just fat), 'bet you won't be able to keep this work up' (you'd be surprised) and various other indignities.
I am angry with fate. The most useless anger of all.
I have been advised to externalise the anger so it doesn't eat me alive. I should paint, write, swim like a demon. Trouble is, I don't want to.
The other joyous thing about personal nastiness is the magnificent distance of 'friends'-I get it though. I get the 'too hard basket'.
I am very very angry at myself and my judas body most of all. There is no history of MC in my family. I would have to be the groundbreaker. So great. Where do I go from here?